Postpartum Feelings: How to talk to your partner

Becoming a parent is one of life’s most transformative experiences - but it’s not without its challenges. While the joy of welcoming a new baby into the world is undeniable, the emotional and physical impact of childbirth can feel overwhelming for both parents.

For many women, the postnatal period brings a mixture of elation, exhaustion, anxiety, and sometimes feelings of sadness or isolation.

 But emotional recovery doesn’t have to be something you face alone. Opening up to your partner about how you’re feeling can strengthen your relationship, ensure you receive the support you need, and help you both adjust to this new chapter. If you’re finding it difficult to put your emotions into words, you’re not alone. Here’s a practical guide to having an open, supportive conversation with your partner about your postnatal feelings.

1. Recognise That Postnatal Emotions Are Normal

First and foremost, it’s vital to acknowledge that postnatal emotions - no matter how intense or confusing - are completely normal. After giving birth, your body and mind go through significant changes, and it’s common for new mothers to experience a range of emotions. From the “baby blues” (which can include mood swings, irritability and sadness) to more serious conditions like postnatal depression or anxiety, this emotional landscape can be complex.
Understanding that these feelings are a part of the postnatal experience can help to reduce any sense of shame or stigma about opening up. It’s not a sign of weakness or failure - it’s something many women go through. By choosing to talk about it, you’re taking an important step towards emotional healing.

2. Choose the Right Moment and Setting

When and where you have the conversation can make a big difference. Try to find a moment when both you and your partner are relatively calm and not too distracted or tired. It might be after the baby has settled or is with someone else, giving you both a chance to focus on one another.
Avoid late-night chats when you’re both exhausted - that can make communication harder. Instead, try a quiet moment in the living room, a walk around the block, or even sitting down together with a cuppa. A calm, private setting helps create the space for an open, meaningful discussion.

3. Be Honest About How You’re Feeling

Honesty is key to a strong, healthy relationship. Don’t shy away from expressing how you truly feel - whether that’s joy, frustration, anxiety, loneliness, or sadness. Being real with your partner allows them to understand and support you more effectively.
It can be difficult to put complex emotions into words, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure of your identity post-birth. If you’re not sure where to begin, try starting simply with something like, “I’ve been feeling more anxious than usual,” or “I’m finding things a bit overwhelming lately.”
You don’t need to have everything figured out. Sometimes just saying things out loud is a relief in itself. Remember, your partner doesn’t need to fix everything - they just need to listen.

4. Let Them Know How They Can Support You

Sharing your feelings is just one part of the conversation - it’s also helpful to express what kind of support would make a difference. Your partner may want to help but might not know how unless you tell them.

Think about where you need help most:

• Practical Support: This might be taking turns with night feeds, helping with housework, or giving you a break to rest.
  
• Emotional Support: Encouragement, reassurance, and a simple “You’re doing brilliantly” can go a long way.
  
• Time for Yourself: Let them know when you need time alone to recharge, even if it’s just a quiet bath or a solo walk.
  

Being specific about your needs can prevent misunderstandings and foster a sense of teamwork. Even small requests can have a big impact on your wellbeing.

5. Avoid Blame and Be Patient

When you’re sleep-deprived or feeling unsupported, it’s easy for frustration to come out sideways. But blaming your partner - especially when they’re also adjusting - rarely leads to a constructive outcome.
Try to use “I” statements rather than “you” ones. For example, “I’m feeling really stretched and it would help if we could share the chores more evenly,” instead of “You never help around the house.” This keeps the focus on your experience and encourages understanding rather than defensiveness.
Patience is important too - with yourself and with each other. Adjusting to parenthood is a learning curve for both of you, and things rarely go perfectly straight away. Give yourselves grace as you figure it out together.

6. Check In Regularly

Postnatal feelings can ebb and flow, so it’s helpful to create space for ongoing conversations. Try setting aside time each week (or whenever suits you both) to check in with how you’re feeling, what’s been working, and what needs adjusting.
These regular conversations help to maintain emotional closeness and prevent small issues from building up. They also ensure both partners feel seen and supported - which is essential in the early stages of parenting.

7. Reach Out for Professional Support if Needed

If your emotions become overwhelming, or if you’re experiencing persistent sadness, anxiety, detachment or hopelessness, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Your GP, health visitor or a qualified therapist can offer guidance, support and referrals to postnatal mental health services.
There’s absolutely no shame in needing help - many parents go through similar experiences, and professionals are there to help you feel more like yourself again.

8. Remember - Support is here for you

Finally, remind yourself that you’re not the only one feeling this way. Many new parents face emotional ups and downs after having a baby. Talking about mental health and postnatal feelings helps to break the stigma and build a more supportive culture for families.

Sharing your journey with your partner - openly and honestly - not only strengthens your bond but lays the foundation for a healthier, more connected parenting experience. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone - professional support is available via https://www.mymama.mt/mental-wellbeing